someone

Sometimes I ask myself if I really know who you are anymore. Things change as you grow up.
Friendship does.


I know this girl, since I was a year old. We used to get along well eventhough she's 1 year younger than I am. I remember how she would smile and talk about the silliest things, but to me, I found her funny and amusing. She had a fun and cheerful aura around her, as she was always flashing her brilliant smile at me. We were best friends. My dearest childhood friend.


She was pretty small size when she was 12, and always felt uncomfortable when she was compared to other people bigger than her. She was a good friend and we were always supporting each other through everything. High and low. Ups and downs.


She would call me every single day, although we weren't in the same school, but she would fill me with excitement with her interesting stories about her school and her life. A year later, things started to change when she stopped calling.


She turned 13, while I turned 14. She grew much taller, and definitely more beautiful. Her striking cheekbones had an awkward sexiness and her innocent smile became more sexy than cute. And of course, she started having boyfriends.


I didn't find it awkward that she did, when I didn't. She was still the same person. But after a few months, our friendship had a turn over.


Sometimes I wonder if it was me who had changed our friendship. Perhaps it was me who said the wrong things. Or maybe her boyfriends were getting in between our friendship.


I always knew her as my best friend, a shoulder to cry on, a person to cheer me up. She was so childish, but at the same time, she was modest, caring, honest, humble, loyal and happy. I want to take back the words i said to her. Until today I REGRET. "WHY NOT YOU JUST GROW UP," I said. She replied me by apologizing. I really HATE myself for saying those words to her. I WANT TO TAKE THEM BACK.


Now, you'll probably mistaken her as an 18 year old. She dresses like one, and she goes to clubs late at night, getting drunk maybe until wee hours. Our friendship has gone down the drain. Not entirely but 80%. Things started to change when she became a teen. It's probably the rush of puberty that swept through her... I don't know.


Just last year, she came for my farewell party. Her beautiful eyes didn't even sparkle under her thick eye liner and mascara. The look on her face hurt me. The look of depression and sadness. Well, I could tell that her sadness wasn't for me, but for someone else. For her boyfriend. I don't remember seeing her cheerful smile like the last time. But what I got was a sulky face. I tried to make her happy. But who was I to her?


When she was 9 and I was 10, we used to have slumber parties, mostly at her house. We would never run out of things to talk about, like cartoon characters, friends, boys or etc. She was always the adventurous and brave one, while I was the scardy cat. I remember both of us were locked in a cupboard, in the darkness, and she didn't even shed a tear, didn't even scream or shout, when I was the one crying my eyeballs out.


We used to go out together, trying each other's clothes and accessories. We used to laugh together, when we were clumsy and dumb. We used to cry together when we were sad. But i guess it's all different now. The last time I saw you was when our families went out for dinner, and you were complaining about your boyfriend. I can't remember which though... but one of them. And besides complaining, you were bragging about how rich your so-called friends are, and how lucky they were to have parents who allow them to smoke and drink until late at night. Is this the person you have turned out to become?


I want the old person back. But I guess it's too late to tell you now. You'd probably think I'm some goody-two-shoes coz I've never had a boyfriend when you have had plenty. Your stubborn ears wouldn't listen to my opinion, my advice. I don't blame you for turning out this way. But I blame your parents for not being more responsible as parents. And they know that. They know they aren't. I blame your friends, your friends who smoke and drink at your young age of 15. So who am I, the girl you used to hang out with, the girl who you used to call best friend? Who am I now to you?


Eventhough we are far apart, or probably not even that close anymore, the funny thing is... I miss you. I miss the fun and old things we used to do. And even if you're different now, I know that you are still there, somewhere. You know that no one will ever replace you because you're my loving childhood friend. Your smiling picture is still in my photo album, and I look at it till today. ;)