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I stared blankly at the mirror and asked 'Who am I?'


Back in primary school, i was a very different person compared to who I am today. I had very low self-esteem and i never thought of myself as a very beautiful child. Yes, I felt ugly. Unwanted. Insecure. But my parents were not to blame. It was me. I was the black sheep.


I had really short hair to match with those geeky specs, and I would go to school everyday being teased and bullied just because I was different. And I wasn't a very bright kid. My grades aren't what you call creme de la creme and certainly wasn't the worse either. Day by day, I would go to school and when i didn't want to, i would find excuses to skip school. For 6 years, I didn't know who I was and didn't have REAL friends. But in standard 6, everything became better when I got upgraded to the second class and everyone treated me better. I always felt like I was hated by teachers and I didn't know for what reason. I remember clearly in my head that the teacher was shoo-ing me out of the class and she was scolding me in front of everyone. i didn't know what i did wrong. i finished my homework and i never disturbed anyone in class. i don't know if she was racist but i didn't care much. everyday i had to bare with that woman and the pure discrimination she did to me.


In Form 1, things weren't better either. i went to school everyday, betrayed by one of my friends who told everyone that i've been flirting around with her boyfriend (like EWW la, your boypren so uuu-glee, who wanna flirt XD). but i just don't know why people hate me so much. What have I done to cause so much pain and hate?


Some people who believed her started calling me names like whore, slut, bitch and some other BAD words(sorry i didn't censor it XD). I felt weak by all the harsh words inflicted to me. I would go home and cry when i sleep. I would look at the mirror everyday, asking myself what i did wrong. Those people who called me such names wouldn't say it behind my back, but to my face. That was something i had to bear. That was something that made me stronger.


'Sticks and stones can break your bones but words cannot hurt you'


I would always recite that in my head when things weren't going so well for me.


This is my blog. I can say what i please and if you have any opinions, please say so. I do not need your sympathy and I am not looking for any. I am just trying to tell you all my remorseful memories I had when I was young. I know that people have gone through worser memories and this little memory of mine is not even a chapter of my life.


Well, for some of you who have been in SSG your whole life, you wouldn't believe that studying in SSG was the turning point of my life. My grades were going downhill in Form 1 because I was distracted and i lacked confidence. I started studying in SSG when I was Form 2, and I told myself that i wanted to be a better person. I admit that I was quite weird back then. I would say HELLO to people I don't even know! XD My friends thought i was this HYPER, HAPPY, and JOYOUS girl. well, i was VERY HYPER. but... it was all to erase what i kept inside of me. I made new friends, true friends, trustworthy friends, loyal friends and etc. =D


I felt like a new person. Honestly, i hardly contact anyone from my old school because they wouldn't even bother about me or cared if i lived or died(LOL). but except one person who appreciated me and invited me for raya every year. Thank you, Zayana! =D


The person you know today is not the person you would have known back then. As I grew older, I began to understand all the hardships we have to go through, and there's never an easy way out. I have never cried and NOBODY from SSG has ever seen me cry. It would be a miracle MUAHAHA.


My parents have always been there for me. They are my backbone, my main support =)
I feel happy of who I am today, because I've trained myself to be a better person and to improve on my mistakes. I try not to be too judgemental and I also try not to point out other people's mistakes. I listen to gossip, i DON'T create it. As well for rumours.


Somehow i have an anger the lurks inside of me against those people. you can forgive but never forget, right? though i have a silent resentment, i don't support the term 'revenge is sweet'. I have never tried revenge, because I know that it will always come back to me. When people criticize you, your normal reaction would be 'who does that person think he/she is?'. But to me, when I was called all those names, i tried to change their minds, making them think I was actually a NICE person deep down and making them REGRET for even saying stuff like that about me. It's all reverse psychology. But you know, they are so corrupted they started thinking I was FAKE instead of NICE. XD. and that's when i gave up being ALL NICE when i was actually angry. I wouldn't really call myself a coward because i TRIED hard. and I tried my best. everything has limits, right?


If anything ever happens to you, BE A MAN (OR WOMAN) and accept whatever it is. don't stand there and be bullied. stand up for yourself and don't let yourself be discriminated by a LOW-LIFE who isn't half as smart as you are.



BE STRONG. That is the most important to me. and PUH-LEASE DON'T SULK. I sulked when i was 5 and stopped when i was 10. i'm sorry, but i CAN'T stand people who sulk. i know one person who sulks all the time and TRUST ME, as a friend, you try to help them but you just get so tired of it.


BE POSITIVE. You know who you are. Don't let these people put you down.


I wouldn't really say i have been through a lot. HECK, we're still young and only teens! what we've gone through in school is nothing compared to what you will be going through in the future. my parents always told me the best times of their lives was being at school and things get much harder in the REAL WORLD.


i think i've said much today. thank you for listening (or reading)! ^^